Leaving Something Good

When in Costa Rica in 2013, there was a perfect climbing tree in the yard of the ministry we partnered with for the month. One afternoon my teammate and I were sitting in it, and we talked about the future and the promises we heard from God. She told me about a concept she had learned about at church. The basic premise was something like this: The good things we hope for in the future are like butterflies. We can’t hold on too tightly, or they will be crushed. When we see an opportunity which seems like a fulfilled promise, we should pursue it, but realize that the fulfillment of that promise may be at some other time and place. If it is what was promised, we have to trust that God will bring it to completion.

We were talking about the future then, but lately I’ve been thinking of the analogy for my present. I feel like I am holding onto a good thing. My life is overall very happy. The town I’ve lived in for the past year and a half feels like home. I love my church, my workplace and my house. Things are really good. I have a bad day every once in awhile, but on a scale from 1 to 10 most days I would rank above 7. Each week is filled with challenging work, laughing with (at?) people, fitness classes, great conversations, playing strategy games and putting together puzzles. (Have you ever seen the YouTube video of the little girl who enthusiastically affirms herself in the mirror? …No? Here it is: Video. I can identify with that.)

In a few weeks I will begin what I estimate to be the most positively challenging time in my life thus far. I feel like I’ve been trusted with a lot of responsibility, and that is a good feeling. I am excited for what I will learn and how I will be able to serve many incredible people. I look forward to so much opportunity to influence a few things in the world to become better. I know I will have to depend on God, because many of my objectives are things I’ve never done before. I am going to learn a ton. I look forward to the next 8 months.  

Yet I have no delusion of the lives of those I leave will be put on hold. People may move away and have major life events, or maybe not. But everything will change. We are constantly changing. This is not a bad thing, and things would change whether I’m here in Georgia or in Central America. But I must accept that I won’t be around for those changes. When I return, I will have to catch up three quarters of a year’s worth of change. I will miss the context for inside jokes and have to fake laugh to fit in. I will probably have to introduce myself to a ton of people and have the same conversation multiple times that, no, I am not a new person, but thank you for welcoming me as if I were. There’s a chance that my spot will be taken at my house and who knows what my office will look like (cool I bet). When these thoughts cross my mind I have to remind myself that 1) I literally asked for all of this, and 2) there are so many practical reasons for this plan to result in overall goodness and 3) this is an amazing opportunity and I am thankful.

I listen to this business-type podcast called Art of Charm (it is not specifically Christian and it is targeted towards men, but I find it beneficial and would recommend it to anyone), and on one of the episodes they interviewed a psychologist named Ben Michaelis. He said that anxiety is caused by attempting to have control. He said that there are very few things in life that we actually have control over; all we have is a degree of influence. I think that when we realize this, we can humbly trust that when we step out into something new, the Lord has already worked out how all our needs for it will be met. 

I think about this and realize I’m being asked to open my hand. My hope is that the good things in my life presently will remain there, but I have to accept they have the liberty to go. I am walking away from something very good because I trust that the Lord is leading me to a great place. And it helps to remember that he will never leave me.